Comfort Inn for Spiritual Wilderness

When you fall off the horse, you have to get back on again, or so the saying goes. What they don’t say is getting back up on the horse can take a long time, in my case a year in half.

Sometimes you try to get back on the horse, but you slide right back off because you were not ready to ride again. Or other times, the horse could not support you like it did before. Either way you feel like a cowboy all dressed up ready to ride but things keep getting in the way.

These things can be a lack of trust in the horse, or you don’t trust your ability to ride the horse again, or maybe you begin to think riding horses is just for other people.

He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share the same comfort with others. I Corinthians 1:4

This Sunday was a good Sunday, I finally got back up on the horse. Over a year and a half ago our church was shaken by a pastor’s infidelity. He was immediately removed; that in of it self will shake you to your core. But for my husband and I, he was also our Sunday School teacher. And the “horse” I had to get back on, was attending Sunday School and becoming active in church again.

I wish I could say that not finding a new class was all my ex-pastor’s fault, but it was not. He was only the pebble that got the avalanche of things in my heart started. God had allowed me to walk through a spiritual wilderness. I knew He was there, but I did not want anything to do with him.

I was a kid giving up a treasured security blanket, but keeping it tucked in the drawer instead of tossing it; not admitting the remaining need or desire for it. Well I got my security blanket back out again, and I want to share things I have learned during this wilderness:

1. God never leaves you, even if you want to leave him. I was never “leaving” him, just placing him on a shelf. And by not spending time with Him, in a sense I was.

2. God some times allows you these wilderness’ in order to open your eyes to things in your heart you did not know were there.

3. He sends friends your way to encourage you, either by prayer or honest words. Sometimes I would read the words of encouragement and shrug them off because I was not ready to leave the pain and anger behind. Other times the friends words would pierce me and leave me crying from a simple card, with simple words, but I knew they were directly from God.

4. Another thing I have learned is that NOT everyone is going to understand what you a going through and why it is affecting you so deeply, even people closest to you.

5. I had to release the guilt of going through the wilderness. Let me explain, what I was dealing with did not compare to losing a loved one, dealing with a special needs child, or going through a “big event.” But none the less, I still felt my world rocked and I felt guilty that I let something, that can be seen as “small” in terms of life’s tragedies affect me spiritually. God reminded me He deals with all painful things of the heart the same way whether they are big or small. When we hurt, he hurts with us…period.

6. I have learned justified anger (meaning something was done to you, and you have a right to feel this way) is still anger that binds you up. You are not free, even if you may be right.

7. Once you leave the period of wilderness you do not return the same person. You are better. Pain may still exist but you have finally allowed God to sift you and refine you.

I may be experiencing great peace of finally climbing back up on the horse this Sunday, but that does not mean I climb back on and go into a full gallop. Right now we are walking very slowly viewing the scenery and finally see a road to travel.

Bitterness has plagued my heart
Many times before
My life has been like broken glass
And I have kept the score
Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed
That I was far too gone
My brokenness helped me to see
It’s grace I’m standing on

I will stumble I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes I will face heartache
But I will not be moved
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
I will not be moved

And the chaos in my life
Has been a badge I’ve worn
Though I have been torn
I will not be moved

Natalie Grant “Moved”

Have you ever gone through a spiritual wilderness where it took awhile to climb back on?

Or are you still in a wilderness standing on the ground, thinking that is where you will remain; for riding horses is not for you. What is keeping you from taking a step forward? Are you afraid of letting go of the hurt and anger because you feel justified in having it?