I did not want to write this, in fact my attitude was anything but grateful..but I see God’s hand to much, not to be thankful today. This post is more for me to write out, than for you to read so I won’t mind if you move along, won’t be offended ;)))
I wish I could say it is rare when tears spring from my eyes, but for some reason these last few days it has been more the norm. The sinful side of me wants to walk away and say I have had enough of ____ (motherhood, friends with cancer, my house stuff, fill in the blank…). But God never lets you go, even when you want to let go.
For example…
I know by now that Mom is rolling her eyes saying (yep, that’s my daughter)….But things I have learned (and this is maybe more for me to write out than for you to read but…..)
a. God never leaves.
b. Even though he may not give me the answers I want, he has already done everything. Another thing the Lord led me to read last night was this:
Many times I have felt that God was playing a game with me called, “Challenge”. Here is how it works, A problem presents itself, then with both of us looking into each others eyes ( I do notice a smile on God’s face.) I say to God, “I have done all that I know to do according to your Word, Father, it is your move.” Now, here is where the ‘challenge’ comes in. He seems to be staring at me, with that beautiful smile…but He is doing nothing. by Benji Clark Mallory
I did not realize it until I read these words, but that is exactly where I find myself. But gently reminded me HE HAS ALREADY DONE EVERYTHING for me! How, as a seasoned Christian, can we get so wrapped up in things that we lose sight? It just shows how dependant I am of God each and every day, and he is reminding me of this. When things are good, I ‘know’ I am dependant on him but when life is hard I RELY on it. It is my salvation.
I want to say publicly Angie, you have been a witness in your grief. Angie lost her sister, and amongst pain there is praising. Thank you for your witness and my prayers are with you as you go through this season.
And I strongly believe the Lord desires our joy, he led me to this post (and maybe it was the mood I was in, but I laugh so hard I had tears coming from my eyes). It was good to have a great big belly laugh.
UPDATE: If you have not see the video Shalee posted, it is a pee in your pants you laugh so hard funny…I have not laughed so hard. Go WATCH IT.
What a jumbled mess of a post, sorry.
“Jesus Christ went into the ultimate wilderness and lost God so that when you and I go into our little wildernesses we can find God.”
- Tim Keller
For more TT post, visit my friend Iris at Sting My Heart
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{ 29 comments }
This post was awesome, thanks for sharing your heart.
As one who is “older”, I got all teary when I saw a bunny hopping around in my backyard full of snow, wondering if he has a warm spot to sleep. Amen, God will NEVER let us go. Thanks for sharing your heart.
You blessed my heart with your honesty. I don’t know your age but I can tell you that I was in my early 40s when I began to experience the symptoms of menopause. The emotional highs and lows were so much a part of it until my internest started me on HRT. I remember one day I was on my way to visit my folks in Alabama and feeling much as you are. I was just pouring out my heart to God. I saw the sign for Atlanta on the interstate and for a moment I was tempted to run away for a while by myself. I didn’t of course but I can still remember how I felt. Perhaps it is time to talk to your doctor. I didn’t actually come to the pause part for several more years but the treatment saw me through a lot of the early symptoms. I still night sweats and hot flashes now that my dose is miniscule but not like I would have without the meds.
Have a good day and thanks for sharing your heart. Hug that man!
Laurel - I think it is a powerful post…Yes, we rely on Him when things get though. I know I am.
I have to agree with you on Angie’s witness - she is an amazing woman. She is a great example for me how to cope with grief - praising Him through it all.
Thank you so much for sharing your grateful heart, sweet friend. I know it was not easy.
(((hugs))) and blessings.
Girl…that is so not a jumbled mess….that is the stuff life is made of. The good the bad and the ugly. Yes, they love us when our eyes are swollen w/tears and we feel rumpled all over. God loves us even deeper than that.
Something I want to tell you—when Mark told Victoria that her mommy had died, she cried for about 30 min. solid. You can imagine. But then as he explained in such a loving way of the things that would be happening over the course of the following days. Victoria decided she wanted to color a picture for mommy. So Mark got the crayons and a valentine coloring book that he and Wanda had bought her and she began to fervently color a page. As she colored she cried. With tears spilling on the page she said, “Daddy, I can’t see the lines”–he told her that was okay, mommy would love it. She colored on and in a few minutes she asked, “daddy, can mommy see me”? He told us, in those instances you have to think fast~ so he said, “yes, baby, I think mommy can see you.” This satisfied her hurting heart for the moment and she finished her page - picked it up and held it to the ceiling and said- “look mommy, I made this for you.”
The pain and trials of this life that bring us such heart wrenching grief and here we are…stumbling around with tears in our eyes, trying to continue on —but we can’t see the lines….but we know-He can see us. He knows the hurt, for whatever reason—whether it is as simple as ripped pantyhose, charred supper, bad haircut—-whatever—He knows — cares—and will heal, help and deliver us from all our troubles in one manner or another. Whether through it, in it or out of it—He delivers.
I love you Laurel.
Oh Laurel~
Here’s a hug:
(((((((((((((((((:-))))))))))))))))
Sweet friend…know that I’m praying for you as you find your way through that which you are going through.
I’m SO amazed…and in awe of how God brings people, and situations in our lives…to help lift us up..when we feel as though we cannot continue on!!!
I’m rejoicing, that God has BLESSED you with amazing friends!!!!
I struggle wondering what is to blame in my emotional mood swings. Is it merely hormones? Is it Satan playing tricks on me? Do I play a part in nursing these hurts by dwelling on them? How do I persevere in them?
All I know is Jesus tells us, “Come to me. . .and I will give you rest.” Amen.
Not a jumbled mess at all — but a slice of Real Life. And a powerful example to still praise in the midst of problems.
“But gently reminded me HE HAS ALREADY DONE EVERYTHING for me!” AMEN!!
Thanks for your transparency. It is often good to be reminded that others struggle with similar issues in life. Sometimes you feel very lonely.
Blessings my friend.
Your honesty inspires me. I have already said a prayer for you and will continue to do so. I have mood swings too and similar to Nise’, I started crying on the way to church a couple of Sundays ago because I saw a dog tied up and it was so cold. Oh me!
Tammy Wynette said it best when she sang “Sometimes it’s hard to be a Woman”! Especially when our emotions play games with us. But God is faithful and you are following the best prescription for feeling down by counting your blessings!
God Bless You~~~Kelley
Well, don’t you know that God had me post that today, just for you? I didn’t have anything else to say, so I might as be his tool wherever he uses me.
It will get better, LW. Just hold onto your faith!
Laurel,
Those links you gave were hillarious! Thanks for sharing them.
First, thanks for sharing your honest heart today. Today is a new day and I’m guessing your tear tank ought to be empty by now anyway.
Oh dear one, thank you for being so real and honest. Yes, there are days like this that seem like an eternity. Just keep your eyes on the prize, for better is one day in His courts than a thousand elsewhere!
Love to you.
Angie, if you see this, your post tore me up…again! Love you!
Laurel, one more thing, should you come over to my blog, just below my TT post is a post that will let you know just how much He loves you, even when we don’t feel loveable, stressed, and depressed. Please read it and receive a big hug from Him today!
You have the sweetest heart. Honey, we all go through these difficult times. I do not think that it is hormones. I think that we are only human. God gives us these “opportunities” to make us grow stronger. It is tough. He loves us and is always right there with us through it all. You will get through this. And oh the peace that passes all understanding will be with you. God Bless~
I love to read your posts Laurel because you are so real - and remind me so much of me. I have come to the conclusion that we can never plumb the depths of who God is. We may know Him all our lives only to learn that there is so much more than we could have ever dreamed possible. I think He always wants to take us deeper - and He is so faithful about giving us just what we need when we need it.
I don’t know if I’ve gotten more emotional since menopause - I think my heart has softened a bit more. I used to tease my Mom when she cried so easily over the simplest of things - now I find myself crying over commercials!!! I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing - its just a thing. Just the way we are. And you are quite special.
Hey Laurel,
Oh, boy, we are all messes! Thanks for being so real. I’m so blessed for the beautiful body of Christ that is out there. We never have to walk ALONE.
Please know we’re here, and we care. I love how God showed his love for you just the way you needed it, when you need it, and how you needed it!
Blessings sweet Laurel!
I loved your “jumbled mess of a post”…I guess that’s because I am a “jumbled mess of a gal”! I loved your transparency and honesty this week. I will be keeping you in my prayers, and pray that God continues to reveal himself and his love for you in real and tangible ways.
There is nothing jumbled at all about your post. It speaks to my heart! I’ve been having an unusually rough week, too. I’ve read some other ladies that are too. It seems to be an epidemic among us Christian women bloggers this week.
I just wrote a post for tomorrow about focusing on God’s love during these crazy roller coaster days. It has truly helped me this week. I’ve just trained my mind to focus on that when I catch it wandering to the things that get me down. This morning I meditated on Romans 8:35-39. That helped me a lot, too. I don’t know if that helps you any but I thought I would let you know what has helped me this week.
I’m praying next week will be better!!
Oh, I know what kind of day you are having. You can jump over and read my post from two weeks ago… suffering. Sometimes I have to stop and really think it all out. I didn’t want to post today. Kids are sick, I am getting sick, bad news keeps arriving, but the GOOD NEWS is that God has not changed, He is STILL good, and always will be. I just need to recall that as I start to get too focused on me. And tears? Well, if you call 45 old then I would say the tears keep coming… but that’s okay.
Hugs, Kim
For those of you who are older do these emotions get worse as you get older? I don’t want to enter into any menopause, my family will run away screaming. HA!!
I am 44 and seem to be crying all the time. Hot flashes, the whole ball of wax.
I sure understand what you are going through.
Lori
Hey Laurel,
You keep those rambling messes coming…I think God appreciates those much more than the perfectly eloquent prayer anytime. Why else would He have given the Holy Spirit as an interpreter?
I know the waiting you speak of and yes, it can be tormenting. When I look back at those periods I can see what He was trying to accomplish but when I was smack in the middle I had no idea. What I do know is that He is good and that He never disappoints. When the clouds break it will be in a way you could have never asked for or imagined.
I love you, my friend. Hope Friday is full of fresh faith and smiles to replace those precious tears.
Lisa
As i read this, i’m thinking to myself.. the beginning part of it anyhow, that’s how I’ve been feeling… so hugs. It’s hard not to be grateful when you know there is so much of God around us, and yet why do we travel down that road?
Hugs my friend!!!
I do know what you are going through. It’s seems as of late that I am a blubbering mess as well and I really am not sure what I can do about it!
It’s reassuring that I am not the only one! I’m sending a great big hug your way!
Blessings
Thanks for sharing! I have found some really inspiring sites this week too (including yours) that remind me there are other humans out there and why women need social networking - in or out of the computer. It is nice to know other people are struggling with the same issues of loneliness, despair over a particular issue or whatever and that God does provide helpers along the way! I love what your husband said to you. That’s beautiful and I am sure you are too! Take care.
My sweet friend…
#2—-I want to squeeze your husband….. I started to cry….
Oh, Laurel, I wish I was there to just hug you in person. We would laugh, we would cry and then go for ice cream. Love you.
Have a fantastic weekend. I know you will. Love and hugs,
I’m worn out from reading your post—in the best way. I laughed! I cried! You have such a gift, you have no idea. Writing this post will bless so many people, Laurel.
((((((((HUGS)))))))))
xo~
T
Thank you so much for sharing… I often feel the same way, forgetting that God has ALREADY ACCOMPLISHED everything for me! I think I am a pitiful excuse for a Christian on days when my emotions get the best of me (anger mostly), and I know that I disappoint Him. But HIS GRACE is AMAZING, is it not? That He forgives and forgets about my temper and we can have a fresh start. Amen!
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