Laurel Wreath’s Reflections

My friend MomRN wrote such a beautiful heart filled post, I did not want to take up her comment section so I will respond here. I have been learning my ways are not always his ways, and no matter how much pleading, pouting, etc.. I do, it does not change Him or the situation. You would think I would learn that, get off the floor and move on. But you see I am kind of thick skulled. Know what I did on New Year’s Eve? I went to bed at 10 PM and said, “good riddance 2007.” I did, but as I laid in bed I counted all my blessings one by one…Oh I am so blessed. And I have so much to learn. MomRn said and I second this:

God also remained. He never left me in those moments. In fact, it was in those moments I learned I do not always need words. In those moments He would just sit with me, His loving and affirming embrace engulfing me. He did not condemn. He did not grow impatient. He did not breath deep sighs ready to move on. He sat. He was quiet. He waited. He gave me time.

I could not have said it any better. I have been looking for a study or a lesson or something I need to be doing…the Lord has led me to be still. I don’t “be still.” You see if I am still then I concentrate (too much) on the things that are not going my way, or things that are not panning out, or what He is or is not doing. Isn’t that why so many of us have such insane busy lives, we don’t want to stop and think. But he is calling me to be still right now and He is just sitting with me.

This Sunday we had a visiting pastor and he gave a very good “New Year” sermon. There was nothing profound, but there is one simple (and if you ask me stupid analogy) that just hit me in my heart and had me sobbing.

There is this Co-worker that goes away during the weekends to go sailing. Well when the co-worker came back to work on Monday a friend asked him how the sailing went, where did you go, what did you see? The Co-worker said, “Oh we just went on the boat, we did not go anywhere.”

So many times as Christians we are like that family, we get all our gear ready, we have all the right stuff and then we get on the boat. But we never untie it from the dock. We never go anywhere.

How many times do we as Christians have everything we need, and even go to where we need to be….but we never sail out into the deep blue to explore and see what is out there? I have no idea where God is going to lead in 2008, and through my tears this morning I said, “I don’t feel like I have anything to offer, I fail at everything, but whatever it is IT IS ALL YOURS.”

But for right now, for tomorrow “He sitting. He is quiet. He is waiting. He is giving me time” to learn what I need to learn, and right I am just sitting in his comfort not know what tomorrow will bring.

Also a couple of side notes, it would mean a lot to me if you came over and visited me at CWO. I had the awesome privilege chatting with Lisa Whelchel on the phone, it was a highlight to my year! Let me know what you think!

Secondly, are you a Company Girl? If not click the button on my side bar to find out all about it, it is something really exciting for 2008!

Have a wonderful day!

Last year I hosted Laurel Wreath’s New Year Mediations for 2007. I am still debating if I should have a second annual one for 2008. Oh the Lord has blessed me beyond my imagination this year! But my plans are not always God’s plans. Let me break it down just like I broke it down on my post back in January 1, 2007.

Faith

I HAVE to stay in the word or Satan really plays with my mind, my fears, and my doubts.

2007 has been a good year for me as far as staying the word, doing devotions, and learning more about God.

Blogging:

I wrote:

I can not begin to tell everyone how much blogging has blessed me. The fact I am writing devotionals for Laced With Grace, is already something that blows my mind to where the Lord is leading me.

The Lord has expanded my territory. I am now a devotional writer for Internet Café and Laced with Grace, and I also have joined Christian Women Online Monthly Magazine. This has been such a blessing to me. I have also had the opportunity to interview Angela Thomas, along with another person you will see in the January issue. The Lord had me step out of my comfort zone, for that I was terrified but thankful at the same time. He does not ask you to “Go Beyond Yourself” unless he plans to bless you for it.

Family

I mentioned that I will be entering the teenage years with my oldest son in 2007. Well we have entered it with a blast (good and bad). Some days I enjoy having an older son that can now get jokes, one who shares about his day, also becoming a person who is developing his own ideas and tastes. Then on other days I am not sure what planet he is from, or who in the world birthed that child. This is all a normal process, but one that keeps me on my knees. So many times I have asked the Lord, “am I messing him up permanently?”
Another big answer to prayer is my sister’s pregnancy this year, we as a family, have prayed FOR YEARS that she would be able to carry a child. Also my SIL’s soon to be born twins are such an awesome surprise and blessing to our family.

But alas, the year was not without its pain. I lost my pastor to sin in his life, and it has left me in a spiral about church (no I am not leaving church, it just had me evaluate things which is good). It was announced last week, that in January we will be meeting an interim pastor. The Middle School youth pastor also left.

My main source of frustration and one I have been dealing with on a daily basis lately is this: (this is what I wrote last year under the heading FAITH)

I don’t know when it started but I am scared to dream. Mainly because I want God’s will no matter what, and it seems whatever I dream He changes. I feel things deeply so when I dream and things change I tend to get my feelings hurt. The Lord has been teaching me how to turn over my dreams and desires to him, but still dream big. He has been saying, “Come on girl, give me all you got, DREAM BIG”. I am by NO MEANS referring to size of house but the size of dreams (these are different). Moving into a new house is where I am going to be laying all this on the line (my big hopes and dreams and God’s will). (I have in mind what I would like, but I have been specifically praying the Lord will lead us only to a house He can bless.

I get scared there might be a difference between the two, so I try not to get my heart involved. I just respond “Do your will that is what I want”. But the Lord has been working on me saying, “yes, I want you to seek my will, but Laurel, I want you to dream big! Give me your hopes and dreams, tell me your hearts desires, lay them all out.” And during that time, I feel like a little girl holding those dreams to my chest tightly, saying “just give me your will”. Not sure if this makes sense to anyone but me, but I am excited and fearful where God is leading all this. We will see.

Well as of this writing my house has not sold. And I have gone through every range of emotion possible. I realize God maybe protecting me and my family, the logic of everything is there but my heart has been hurt. God has been dealing with me; I believe he is purging me of things that were in my heart that needed to be dealt with. It is such deep workings right now that I sometimes feel raw. I am excited to see where he will be leading me in 2008.

I want God’s will above all, but that does not mean I don’t feel pain when things don’t go as I hoped. God can handle these emotions. And yes I even have guilt when I think that this is my biggest concern in life when there are others who have so many more serious, life altering concerns.

So I don’t know about running New Year’s Mediation’s again this year (I am still debating it). I am weary of dreaming, and I just want to see where God leads.