Last year I hosted Laurel Wreath’s New Year Mediations for 2007. I am still debating if I should have a second annual one for 2008. Oh the Lord has blessed me beyond my imagination this year! But my plans are not always God’s plans. Let me break it down just like I broke it down on my post back in January 1, 2007.
Faith
I HAVE to stay in the word or Satan really plays with my mind, my fears, and my doubts.
2007 has been a good year for me as far as staying the word, doing devotions, and learning more about God.
Blogging:
I wrote:
I can not begin to tell everyone how much blogging has blessed me. The fact I am writing devotionals for Laced With Grace, is already something that blows my mind to where the Lord is leading me.
The Lord has expanded my territory. I am now a devotional writer for Internet Café and Laced with Grace, and I also have joined Christian Women Online Monthly Magazine. This has been such a blessing to me. I have also had the opportunity to interview Angela Thomas, along with another person you will see in the January issue. The Lord had me step out of my comfort zone, for that I was terrified but thankful at the same time. He does not ask you to “Go Beyond Yourself” unless he plans to bless you for it.
Family
I mentioned that I will be entering the teenage years with my oldest son in 2007. Well we have entered it with a blast (good and bad). Some days I enjoy having an older son that can now get jokes, one who shares about his day, also becoming a person who is developing his own ideas and tastes. Then on other days I am not sure what planet he is from, or who in the world birthed that child. This is all a normal process, but one that keeps me on my knees. So many times I have asked the Lord, “am I messing him up permanently?”
Another big answer to prayer is my sister’s pregnancy this year, we as a family, have prayed FOR YEARS that she would be able to carry a child. Also my SIL’s soon to be born twins are such an awesome surprise and blessing to our family.
But alas, the year was not without its pain. I lost my pastor to sin in his life, and it has left me in a spiral about church (no I am not leaving church, it just had me evaluate things which is good). It was announced last week, that in January we will be meeting an interim pastor. The Middle School youth pastor also left.
My main source of frustration and one I have been dealing with on a daily basis lately is this: (this is what I wrote last year under the heading FAITH)
I don’t know when it started but I am scared to dream. Mainly because I want God’s will no matter what, and it seems whatever I dream He changes. I feel things deeply so when I dream and things change I tend to get my feelings hurt. The Lord has been teaching me how to turn over my dreams and desires to him, but still dream big. He has been saying, “Come on girl, give me all you got, DREAM BIG”. I am by NO MEANS referring to size of house but the size of dreams (these are different). Moving into a new house is where I am going to be laying all this on the line (my big hopes and dreams and God’s will). (I have in mind what I would like, but I have been specifically praying the Lord will lead us only to a house He can bless.
I get scared there might be a difference between the two, so I try not to get my heart involved. I just respond “Do your will that is what I want”. But the Lord has been working on me saying, “yes, I want you to seek my will, but Laurel, I want you to dream big! Give me your hopes and dreams, tell me your hearts desires, lay them all out.” And during that time, I feel like a little girl holding those dreams to my chest tightly, saying “just give me your will”. Not sure if this makes sense to anyone but me, but I am excited and fearful where God is leading all this. We will see.
Well as of this writing my house has not sold. And I have gone through every range of emotion possible. I realize God maybe protecting me and my family, the logic of everything is there but my heart has been hurt. God has been dealing with me; I believe he is purging me of things that were in my heart that needed to be dealt with. It is such deep workings right now that I sometimes feel raw. I am excited to see where he will be leading me in 2008.
I want God’s will above all, but that does not mean I don’t feel pain when things don’t go as I hoped. God can handle these emotions. And yes I even have guilt when I think that this is my biggest concern in life when there are others who have so many more serious, life altering concerns.
So I don’t know about running New Year’s Mediation’s again this year (I am still debating it). I am weary of dreaming, and I just want to see where God leads.
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This is such a timely post! I have just the past couple of days been writing my reflection of this year based on the meditations at the beginning of the year. They will be coming soon. I will tell you, without a doubt, that is the single most important post I wrote all year long. God has blessed me so much as I have looked at what my dreams for 2007 were and how he has answered them, denied them, expanded them and altered them. I have revisited that post many times. I hope that you will continue it as a tradition next year. (((hugs)))
Laurel, I’m so glad to read your reflections. I echo Miriam’s sentiments, that that one post was the most significant one of my entire year, following by seeking Him for theme verses.
The significance was that I was intentionally and honest with God, as you were last year in your post. And that because of that, I have been able to look back and see where God worked.
One of my biggest dreams was to see my sis-in-laws, sister, mother, and mother-in-law, be united with a husband or companion. I don’t necessarily want my mom or mil to be remarried, but at least to have a good friend their age to enjoy life with. Well, the Lord did not say yes to any of those prayers, ones that I continued to pray throughout the year. But He has brought me peace that He sports a different set of lenses as He looks at their life than I do.
Even though the answer isn’t what I want, I am glad I prayed it and will continue to do so because it is on my heart often. All the while, I feel the Lord’s hand on me, hearing me, and just saying, “Not now child. It is not what they need. They just need me.”
I hope you do run it again, but am totally at peace if you don’t. I tend to only do big things one time, getting bored or uninspired the second time around. And I know you’re in a tender season right now, so maybe it would be better to not run it again. On the other hand, maybe the Lord wants you to push through regardless of how you feel — kind of the fake it until you make it practice. I’ll pray for you, as I often do!
Love across the miles of cyberspace…
Elisa
There are several houses in our neighborhood that have had for sale signs out front for a long time, Laurel. This just isn’t a good seller’s market. Here’s hoping 2008 will see a turnaround and you’ll finally get that house sole.
Great review of your year. I enjoyed reading this. I know you’ve been through a whole range of emotions about what happened in your church. Let’s pray that this new interim pastor can make a huge change there, too.
I am weary of dreaming, and I just want to see where God leads.
i like that last line. i’m totally in the same boat. i just want to wander and be surprised with what God allows to cross my path.
i enjoyed reading this.
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