I’m feeling it.
She is feeling it.
Oh and so is she.
They grow to fast.
First high school football scrimmage tomorrow night, and he is not even a freshman yet. It is a spring training game. (please ignore the black marks, I just blacked out our city).
Template by Janet Phillips Fat Pack 3
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The words below are just so I can remember my feelings right now, journaling some thoughts.
The honest ramblings of a Mom of all boys.
The tears have been dropping easier lately. I want to freeze life right now. This is partly why I am not blogging as much, I am scared I am going to miss something. But I have come to realize it is not just me who is struggling. Change is hard on a mother’s heart.
15 days from now I will have a son who will be called a high schooler.
I remember my high school years, some memories filled with a broken heart and some memories filled with the excitement of new found freedoms. I feel I have four years left to study being a parent and then my final will be how they do when I let them ‘fly’ away.
Will what I taught them stick? I know I gave my parents their share of heart ache and pain during my college years.
I remember when my boys first learned to crawl my biggest concern was making sure there were safety locks on the cabinets in order to keep them safe. As high schoolers and in college, there are no safety locks.
I am watching before my eyes, my oldest boy turn into a man. I am seeing him make decisions on his own. I feel it in his hugs that he is stronger than me. I am looking forward to these next four years, I know he will need guidance, need advice, need support…..but being a Mother to all boys there is always that nagging fear thought, ‘when I let him go in four years, will he return, will he call, will I still be needed?’
Or will he become independent, find a wonderful woman to marry, and then become closer to her family.
Lord will they come back once I let them fly?
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Last year, when Kati entered high school- it was bad.
Now, this year?
Jonathan moves to high school and Kati gets her learners permit.
All in t he space of 60 days.
Shoot me now.
I’m officially an old bag
I feel your pain! My girls are only in 4 & 5 grades and already starting to ask more adult questions and talk about boys and hairdos and lipgloss. Yikes. My mom prayed her three through and your prayers will not come back empty. God promises us that!
…and in 6 days I will have two, TWO, in college….how does that happen?
Throw me into the change happening party. We just had my oldest’s graduation ceremonies and we’re slowly getting things together to move her a province away for school come August. Stop the world, please. I just want a pause and a break from it moving so quickly. I want more time!
Last night my 6 year old crawld into my lap and refused to go to sleep because he was thinking about all the time he would lose by sleeping. So we sat at my computer and I played old Youtube videos I did of him doing various things. I sat there trying not to cry as I watched the one of him a year and a half ago when he had just turned five and realized that my baby would not be ababy any longer. He lost his first tooth last week, he is reading, pretty soon he will no longer snuggle into my lap when he can’t sleep (he barely fits now) and then shortly after he will be grown up and moving out.
I think we should call a ban on growing up.
First off . . . thank you for sharing your tenderness! Where else but inside the community that family is do we get to share change and to share it from differing perspectives and differing processes!?! We grow up with our children I think. As I read your words, I was reminded of birds who find nourishment at our feeders. Many species are extraordinarily loyal in that their migratory habits as they return year after year to the nourishment we provide. They even bring their young along with them!!! All these years, you have been providing all sorts of nourishment to these young men and it is necessary that they migrate away according to the leading of our Lord. But they will return . . . again and again . . . even bringing their young one day . . . because the nourishment you have been faithful to give them is your profound love.
I’m glad that you’re taking time to enjoy the boys more and if that requires blogging less (because I do miss your visits) then that’s what it has to be. It seems as though they grow faster than weeds, but I pray as a parent of boys that I’ve taught them of Christ well enough they will never depart from HIM.
As your first one is entering his high school journey, my first one is completing his high school season. I’ve noticed that he still needs his mother, but not so close. Texting works better in these years. His grace is sufficient and He gently guides each of us parents step by step through the process of these years.
Blessings in Christ-
They do grow up and they leave home. If it’s any comfort, my girls didn’t really stop needing me until they finished college. Both of them are married now, one has babies of her own, and there’s not a doubt in my mind they both still need me, just in a different way.
Your sons won’t abandon you when they get married. Your family simply becomes larger. You won’t lose sons. You’ll gain daughters. And grandchildren.
They go through so many stages from birth to adulthood, but you never stop being Mom. I promise.
*sniff*… ACK! Now I’m getting teary. It all happens so fast and I can relate to feeling all the “what if’s” and wonder if I am doing enough and the right thing as a mother.
It comforts me to know I am in such great company as I begin down this road.
Back to my tissues… *sniff*
P.S. Thanks for the link love!
Sweet Laurel,
It seems like only yesterday I was right where you are, but my boys are fathers now and one has a couple of teenagers of his own. Of course it is different, but it is good. They are such wonderful young men. I can’t tell you the feeling in my heart as I watch them with their wives and children. I sometimes look at them with a child in their arms and wonder, “When did that happen?” The joys are different now, but the love is the same. We had some rough patches to navigate, but we were not alone in this child-rearing business - and neither are you. I see God’s grace in the lives of my children so clearly - making the rough places smooth and taking the mistakes and making all things work together for good.
Enjoy these busy, challenging years. They really will be gone all too quickly. And then enjoy the fine young men they become and all the wonderful blessings they bring into your life.
You are doing such a wonderful job Laurel. You will always be Mom, and that is something very special.
Hi Laurel.
I’ve never posted before but I read your blog a lot. You make me laugh, cry and think! Thank you!
I don’t have boys, only one girl. I know my mom always said you lose sons when they marry … but, I know she also said sometimes you just have to invited them back! My brother is terrible about calling or just popping in to say hi, but if she calls them, they do come. So, just remember as they leave you, whenever that is, you just need to do the reaching out … they’ll reach back because they love you and how you’ve raised. You’ve never stopped reaching out before, don’t ever stop that once they’re gone. Children, boys and girls, always want to be reached for. It’s sort of in our blood, isn’t it?
Thanks for blessing us all the time with your stories and wisdom.
Diane
I have TWO daughters starting high school this fall (they’re fraternal twins)…I think the hardest thing for them will be having to get up around 5 am. It is hard to believe they could be old enough for high school already!
Boy to I know this. Growing pains. I seem to be obsessed with them lately and am actually praying that God will release me from them some, to be able to more enjoy the stages we are in and look forward to what is to come.
I have to say in my best guess, the way to stay in touch with your boys as adults will be to nurture relationships with your daughters-in-law. I have three brothers who I was close to growing up and as they got married I have made very conscious and delicate efforts to integrate myself into my sisters-in-law’s friendships. It hasn’t always been easy but it has been the best way to assure I keep in contact with my brothers and my nieces and nephews. I am already praying for my future daughters-in-law and my ability to build good relationships with them. Kind of got off on a tangent didn’t I?
This was a good post Laurel. Heartfelt and one so many of us can relate to.
Oh my goodness. I am not there yet and I’m savoring every moment of little boyhood that I can. I appreciate your desire to soak up each moment and make it worthwhile. These days and years are so short. You are a great mom!
Oh, girl…this post make me cry…I am not going to tell you it is easy as your boys grow older. I am just a little step further than you, and I am going be honest - it is not easy to let them fly…it is tough and tears are still flowing more often than I want them to.
I know that we have to let go and let God do the rest. But my thought is, that we can still pray for them - no matter how old they get…
Sorry for the rambling…I know how you feel my sweet friend - hang in there - God is right there with you…
Laurel–my oldest son will be in high school as well! And the way I figure it, the last four years seem like yesterday so the next four years will be like tomorrow? How can it be? Time does not fly, it hurtles.
Note to Joy–Daughters in law? Are you kidding me? I’m just getting used to the whole high school deal!
Oh dear…..High school hasn’t even crossed my mind,…elementary school even! Yet I am a teary slop just planning a second birthday party. My baby is growing up!!
I can’t imagine my baby going to high school! Yikes!! That baby of yours has something awesome though. A prayin’ mama! There is nothing more special that you can give him to get him ready!