Being Misunderstood

One of the difficult things in living in a small town you did not grow up in, is that you don’t have the history that many other friends have with each other. When I travel back home things seem to fit like a glove and it is comfortable. God does not call us to be comfortable.

A big struggle I have is everyone I have become close to has moved away. They may have moved away physically or maybe moved churches or the busyness of life has drifted us apart. When I was in high school I was always active in my church and after I graduated I turned around and became a freshman teacher. I enjoyed being a discipleship leader and I built great relationships with the girls in my group. I ended up moving to go away to college. This is what I call my growing time; I sinned, God got a hold of my heart and I came back to him. I learned a lot during the college years and the first part of marriage.

When the Lord moved my husband and me away it was a difficult transition.

But God had me in his sight and gave me some wonderful mentors.

But God had me in his sight and gave me some wonderful mentors. I have been a member of only two different churches where I live, we moved from the first just because we felt God telling us to. The second church is where I am right now.

After many years I have come to know some of the people in this church. I taught women’s bible study a few years but then needed to step back due to family commitments. I did try to help out in the high school area again, and the help was welcomed by the leaders but some of the parents gave comments like “why are you here you don’t even have a child this age.” I know it is my fault I let comments affect me, but I did. Then I helped out in the middle school area, taught Sunday school for a year. All during this time my husband either went to Sunday school by himself or main church by himself while I taught.

The one woman who believed in me and saw potential in me, lovingly said your place needs to be by your husband during Sunday mornings right now. I agreed with her because that is what I felt God was saying also. For two years my husband and I agreed to teach a 2 year old class, it was a lot of fun (but as you can image a lot of work). My husband did not grow up in a church so I felt the Holy Spirit telling me we need to get back into Sunday school, God was still teaching (at this time) some of the basics to my husband. You see I wanted to move forward, I wanted to teach, to commit myself to many activities within the church, but I felt the Lord saying no.

Now view it from the flip side, I can only assume others view me as someone who has dropped out from helping. Which they would be correct, but no one asked why. Like I said the people who I was closest to have moved away and my perception is that others misunderstand me and my desire to help.

I admire the women that can “be all” and “do all” within the church, I wish I could. But just recently I have seen fruit in my waiting. My husband has never volunteered to help out in the church by himself; it has either been me or the two of us together. Right now he has volunteered to help coach one of the Winning Ways basketball teams, and let me tell you he is good at it. I have received many compliments from other parents.

God has called husbands to be the leader of their family. But what if, as the woman you are spiritually stronger? For me the Lord gave me the direction to step back, pray over my husband daily, and allow my husband to gain confidence and grow in the Lord.

The Lord led me to be able to minister on the web, to write devotionals, to review Christian books and it has been a wonderful blessing to me. Unfortunately, I fear I am misunderstood on why I don’t volunteer for more. I fear women who have husbands that are spiritually as strong as they are, do not understand.

I can chose to leave my husband’s side and immerse myself in helping the church, or I can stand by my husband’s side and pray over Walking Together him as he grows into being our family’s spiritual leader. God has blessed me with a husband who encourages and prays for me daily and we have come a long way together. I am so proud of him and how he has grown in the Lord, but I think if I committed myself to more and left him in the “dust” so to speak I would not have seen the growth in him I do today.

Others may disagree, but I have found the balance of serving God, spreading his word while standing side by side with my husband. As a wife who married a husband who is not as spiritually strong when you were married, how have you found balance? Have you felt misunderstood by other Christians around you? I would love to hear about it.

You May Also Enjoy:

Tagged as: church, marriage, misunderstood, serving

Barbara H.

I think you are right on target, Lori. I have often said the Lord gives different seasons in life -- in some of them we can serve outwardly more, but in other wee need to focus more on the primary ministry God has given us, our husband, children, and home. You just have to be faithful to Him and not worry about what other people think (easier said than done, I know), but perhaps blog posts like this and an occasional word as the Lord lays it on your heart can help correct any misunderstandings.

Personally -- I have often seen people serve in various areas and then pull back for a while, and usually I don't think anything of it. I just figured they needed to rest and recharge for a while or had other things going on in their lives. And I've noticed a lot of women seem to go all gung ho serving in the church when they are first married, but then realize they've taken on too much and need to cut back. I think we all realize we serve in various capacities at various times -- no one can do it all all at once.

The only thing hat troubles me here is that you said over and over that it was your own perception or fear that you were misunderstood or misjudged. It may be that people aren't thinking what you think they're thinking. :) Sometimes we just have to bear with misunderstandings, as Mary, the mother of Jesus did, but perhaps as you seek the Lord He will open the door to say a word here or there to help others understand not only you but others in a similar boat.

<abbr><abbr>Barbara H.s last blog post..Interests and Issues</abbr></abbr>

Vicki

Hey Lori - great post. I doubt any of us will get through this life *without* being misunderstood, but that's okay. The One we answer to is the Lord, not everyone else. Thanking God for His grace and growth in your life, and I'm so glad you listened to His nudges concerning your husband. The Holy Spirit is never wrong:-) Sometimes we're too motivated by what others think, rather than what He's prompting us to do...and I'm still learning it's better to abide in Him than to rush ahead to "do." ♥

Laurie

After 40 years of marriage, I have learned that God does not give us things to do at the expense of our relationship with our husbands. A lot of guilt is laid on us to do works in the church and if God places it on our hearts, He will do so when our home life is in order. He does not call us away from our homes. We are to be help mates, not outgrowing one another. It is just my feelings, but I learned this the hard way in the first half of my marriage. I love your honesty here.

Love and Hugs, Laurie in Ca.

Melanie

I totally "get" all that you are saying here. I have been in church my entire life, but my husband wasn't so we have faced similar challenges. It has just been in the last year or so that I have begun very slowly stepping out and doing more around the church. However, I still feel that we should be in church services together.

Thanks for such a great post, Lori!

laurie

Last month I wrote a post about being misunderstood. You can read it here: http://womentakingastand.blogspot.com/2009/01/t... . I loved your thoughts on this topic, as a wife of a pastor, I totally understand what you are saying about being in ministry alongside your husband. God bless

Shanna (Sweetie)

Beautiful transparent writing my friend. One thing I hear in your writing is that the perception of others is important....but the truth is our Father has indeed allowed you to enlarge the perception of Himself through your writing of many more of us than your local church sisters. Your affirmation will come in heaven as I suspect you'll need a chiropractor for the neck strain....crowns do that I'm told. I love to sing, I really love to be on the praise team, but my husband has mentioned that growing up alone on the pew as his mom sang felt lonely...so I am, for now, right beside him on the pew....for that is honoring his needs, and obeying God's order. Your heart blooms more and more beautiful Lori and I love seeing each season's changes!
hugs! Hugs Hugs!
Shan

<abbr><abbr>Shanna (Sweetie)s last blog post..You know you are loved when....</abbr></abbr>

Heather

Oh I SO get this. In our case we had to step back from organized church entirely, because God called us to, and God is using it beautifully to bring my husband closer to Him and grow Him, and us.

A long time ago God drove a lesson home to me--Joseph was a righteous man. Bad things kept happening to him because people didn't get God's plan for him and his life. Joseph never tried to make them understand, he just lived life as God called him to and obeyed. it didn't matter that Potipher's wife lied and slandered his name, he knew the God was at work and didn't whine and complain about all that stuff, and God did an amazing work through him.

In other words, every time I start thinking " I need to explain myself because I KNOW people don't get why we do what we do and are misunderstanding" God reminds me of Joseph and I step back, don't explain, and let God do what He has to do regardless of what others think.

<abbr><abbr>Heathers last blog post..Happy Valentine’s Day</abbr></abbr>

Lynn

Wow Lori,

I loved reading this. I have known you now for several years and to read this post is such a wonderful encouragement. So many of us who are married to unbelievers, like myself, always seem to be misunderstood. However, like you, we must obey God and not man's expectations for our lives. How you were more interested in your husband's spiritual growth, is the best thing you could ever do. I appreciate every word written here and love you for your strength, love and commitment. Big hug on the way to you. Hugs~ Lynn

<abbr><abbr>Lynns last blog post..Weekend Devotion — Love is a choice.</abbr></abbr>

Angie

Lori---I am SO WITH you on this! I know that Jeff has felt "on the back burner" as I have plunged headlong into various web ministry through blogging/writing/talking non-stop about what God is doing through this avenue of faith. He has never, until the recent months, taken the initiative to be the prayer leader in our home. But when he became involved in an early morning (Tuesdays) prayer group with some other men--who are like him...I began to see changes. Amazing changes.

I praise the LORD that the years of praying for him to be the spiritual priest and leader of our home...I can see coming about. God is good. It's not always roses and picnics in any marriage. BUT God answers prayers. The key is never quit praying. Ever.

You are right on target with this post today. This is an issue so many couples face :-)

Missed you---getting to visit has been sparse for me lately ---I'll be back soon though!

<abbr><abbr>Angies last blog post..Part of our Trip</abbr></abbr>

Amber @ Classic Housewife

Beautiful article! I agree with you wholeheartedly. Mostly because if God called you to it, well, I'm not in the business of arguing with God. :) But also because I believe this is scripturally correct as well. As women, we have many areas of ministry and influence. And much like the stone that is dropped in the water, creating ripples that radiate outward, our ministry begins at home and radiates outward. As wives, our first ministry is to our husband - even if he is a strong Christian and leader of the family, especially if he is not. Next would be our children. A little over a year ago, God convicted me of the same thing, and I had to step back from other ministry duties to focus more on my ministry to my husband and children. Since then, I've even changed churches because the church I was attending was a stumbling block for my husband (his disagreement with some theological issues being an excuse for him not to go.) I miss not singing on the worship team, I miss not having the opportunity to serve in that capacity. But I know that for this time, ministering to my husband is much more important. And I know that if my heart is in the right place and I'm truly seeking to honor God and follow his will, then I will be blessed in my current circumstances, regardless of what I may have given up for this time.
God Bless~

~Amber