Just a little blogging therapy…

I am writing this not really knowing where it will lead when I put the last period on this post. I hesitate even talking about it, but I know there are so many that have the same struggles (or maybe not)?

I am so blessed; there are people who are having to endure pain, health issues, or great loss every day. I have a husband who loves me, I have kids I am proud of. But there are times in our lives we enter a season where we have to CHOOSE JOY.

Let me explain, you would think with all my blessings having joy would come easy. I have come to realize I live as a pessimist. Now I know my husband would say, “no duh.” For he is the eternal optimist. I just never felt comfortable saying “I” was the pessimist, but it has been something I have been struggling with lately. When a situation arrives, I think the worst. When something causes worry, I stress enough for everyone around me. When I pray for something, I feel like I really should not be asking that, I am so blessed.

I could give you a long list of things I think about in this tiny brain of mine, things I know that are not from God. Now I KNOW about taking the mind captive, meditating on scripture and I know my mind is an area of weakness for me. I have been faithful in the word each morning; I told God even if I bring my bad attitude with me, I will still come.

Each morning before I get out of bed I say to myself, “I choose joy.”

I don’t choose to go down dark paths my mind can take me…I will choose joy;

I don’t chose to beat myself up for every little thing I feel I did wrong that day.. God has forgiven me, I will choose joy;

I don’t chose to meditate on my worries…I will meditate on Him.

And that is what I have been doing. I have surrounded myself with music, bible messages, etc… And all of it has blessed me. Sometimes it is easy to turn around your mind frame other times it is a battle. For me personally, this has been a battle for almost 2 weeks. I am at the point of saying, “Ok Lord what I am not getting here, what are you trying to show me?”

I am weary of the battle of the mind, but God sustains me.

It is kind of funny, areas where there is great concerns the Lord has been kind of silent, but in other areas he has been pouring on the blessings (mainly through people who surprise bless me, which I am overwhelmed but knows it comes from God). It is almost like he is letting me work through some things, I just wish I knew what I was working through.

I share this for several reasons, some comments have made me concerned that you only see the “devotional writer” side of me. I like to share the funny stories of my family, or the torture my boys put me through =)) etc… But most of all I want you to know that I am not perfect, I don’t have all the answers, and don’t put me on any pedestal. Anything I write that blesses you IS FROM HIM. My joy is in my salvation.

I guess this is what they call “blogging therapy” =)

Nehemiah 8:10 And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

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Tagged as: Family

Lisa writes...

A non-perfect pessimist mom of four boys here as well...

Thanks for your honesty. You are not alone as you "fight for joy" (to borrow Piper's term though I haven't read the book--it is on my To Be Read list though!)

Linds

Have you read Prayer by Philip Yancey? I am half way through at the moment, and I have just read a section where he points out that David, and others throughout the Bible, yelled at God. They were real. They took everything that was in them and spewed it out to God. They did not edit what they said. If they were pessimistic, they said so. If joyful, they said so. Anger? Rage? Oh yes. They argued with God. Bartered with Him. He knows we are blessed, and He knows we KNOW we are blessed too! And yet he loves every single pessimistic bone of our bodies too. God wants us to be real. Not the shiny cleaned up version. All of us. He knows us, and He just wants us to know that even then, we are just fine. I am rambling a bit here. But after being somewhat cautious most of my life, I have had to leap off the cliff and trust God to catch me, and oh my word has He done just that.
I love reading your thoughts, Laurel. You make me think.

Millie

Let the Lord be ours pedestal. Thank you so much for this wonderful post. Most of time I am optimistic. But sometime pessimism is in my inner when I feel alone...Thank the Lord, he is always with me, accompanies me..

You are really a great encourager for me..

Deidre

"I Choose Joy!" I love that.

I just posted about 'complaining' on my blog and what I've challenged my SS class to do. I do it more often than I ever though. But, on the flip side, I let so many things get me down. I don't voice them, but I'm dying inside while holding my tongue. I need to 'choose joy'. Thank you so much for allowing us to see this. I know God will use it.

Jeremy & Heather

Recently I was reminded of Moses and how he lived his first 40 years as great. Then his second 40 years were lived in the lowlies. Then the next 40 were spent wandering in the desert leading the Isralites out of bondage. Had it not been for the middle 40 years he would not have been able to lead those 40 in the desert. I'm sure God seemed quiet to him during the middle 40 but wow was he preparing him to lead.

Right now in our lives it feels God is being quiet and has not really shown us our next steps. I have to believe it's because he is molding us now/preparing us ... for our next steps.

Terri @ In His Hands

We are so much alike! I'm the pessimist and dh is the optimist although I like to think of myself as the realist. LOL
It's crazy but I had about two weeks where I was doing some kind of internal sifting and your post reminded me of how I had to choose joy over and over. Other times, I am just full of it! I guess that's just part of the cycle of understanding ourselves better and trying to become closer to Him.

I don't think of you just as a devotional writer, btw. You do have that gift but your personal blog certainly gives us glimpses into the everyday Laurel and between the two you've created a great balance.

Sending you ((((((big hugs)))))))

Barb

Torture? They torture you? LOL Bad boys! Bad!

I know exactly what you're saying here. It's way easier to slip into pessimism. It's a very easy place to get to. To be joyful requires effort, especially when things aren't going the way you want them to.

But you strike me as pretty joyful most of the time so I think you do a good job. And you're very blessed to be married to an eternal optimist. Because in my experience, that's very contagious.

Pearls of Wisdom

Great post Laurel! I am like Heather I guess...LOL and drive my pessimist husband nuts too at times...You are right we are all only human and I love all your posts about you, your family, your thoughts , prayers and down times as you are so helpful and honest we all have down times as well as times of Joy and all good glory goes to God. Thanks for the reminder my sweet friend. Once again thanks for the award sorry I have been missing the past few days things have been so busy I am getting mine ready to pass on now.
Have a great day.
Hugs and Love,
Angel ():)

Crystal

Great post.....we are only human! We all have choices to make...what is normal to one may not be normal to others......it's funny how we think our struggle is unique in some way....when the person across the street or even here in blog land struggles with the same thing! I most often don't feel like I deserve the greatness of God and the way He is performing miracles in my life right now....it's so overwhelming!
Blessings

Bloggin' with a basket o' clot

Wonderful! I want to come back later if I get a chance and write some thorough comments.

But I can certainly relate.

I go through the same things.

The most recent, and most significant time I want through it and it became serious, was during my last pregnancy.

Continued blessings to you!

Amy Grant

This ws a breath of fresh air. I think I'm tearing up!

Great post. Well said my friend, well said.

eph2810

Oh, those daily struggle can get one down. I know. I like what you said "I choose joy"...
I think we all have our daily struggles--I know I do. I too worry about things...Currently I am worrying about what to do with the dogs when on vacation. Daniel will be moved out by than-who will care for the dogs. In my mind I already have canceled the vacation for this year *sigh*...
But like you said in your post - we are blessed, blessed beyond belief and we need to just let Him be God and take care of the little details.

Thank you for sharing your struggles with us.

Be blessed today and always.

Alycia

You have such a gift for reaching others and God is using you Laurel in a special way to touch the lives of so many. I can relate to you in many ways. I am optimistic by nature but our tour in Japan has challenged me in ways I did not realize I needed refining in. Balance is a struggle I have and self-control as well. I pray that God will speak to your heart and lift you into his glorious joy. Bless you for your honesty ~ I believe it is only with this honesty that we can truly reflect God's grace and mercy in the lives of His people. Praying for you my friend.

ChupieandJ'smama

I am the eternal pessimist. With me the glass isn't even 1/2 full. It's usually knocked over and shattered. But I'm working on that. Because we are reading the words of our blogging buddies, we can give them any tone we think fits them. Sometimes the things I write can come off as either sunny or dark depending on how they are interpreted. I use my blog for therapy. That's why I started it. I needed a place to put down my thoughts, and feelings and "get it out" to help me move past it.
Reading you helps me to reflect on how to be less pessimistic. Not because you're perfect (only God is perfect, although I'm sure you come close :D) but because you make me think. You make me think of a different way and for that I'm grateful. And you're funny and I like that. Thank you for your honest post.

Dellie

Laurel, we love you even more for sharing this!

As you said, count your blessings and your joy will come.

God bless You xxx

Linda

I know what you mean Laurel. Because we are communicating with each other through our writing, it is easy to view one another as rather one-dimensional. I've struggled with this too. I just want to be real.
I don't struggle with the things that you do, but I struggle with different things. For me it is self-control right now - my time, my eating, my devotional time with the Lord. I too easily let my life get all out of balance.
I am basically an optimistic person, but that is not to my credit. It is simply the way the Lord made me. He gave us all strengths and weaknesses - I believe He wants to show Himself strong where we are weak.
I know He will show you what He is up to. The important thing is you are listening and your heart is yielded to Him. He will surely show you what He has in mind - in His way, in His time.
I love your open, transparent heart Laurel. You bless me.

Kelli

Lor -
You expressed things so clearly. And I think you are doing it the right way.

It's such a hard balance sometimes, isn't it?

I could write forever here, but maybe it would be better offline.

Want to chat sometime?

ForUsThreeGirls

Thanks for being so transparent during this time.

My hubby will often poke at me because my blog is sometimes not reflective of my "real mood" and I told him that my blog is therapy. Sometimes I go back and read things I wrote just for myself.

I know he doesn't get what I get out of it all but I do and that is all that matters.

I could stand to be a little more transparent too but right now my blog is almost like my prayer closet and I can put the things there that are really my hearts desire for me and my life.

Praying for ya'!

Angie

I so needed this Laurel. I am sitting here on my couch...I have shed a few tears while sending an e-mail to a bloggin' buddy I have never met...I have been "needlessly" worrying over some details in my life that really aren't mine to worry over. It is something that God is trying to "teach" my daughter....but you know what affects my children....affects me....the mommy---the nana...the wife....the servant of the King.
I am much like you describe yourself....I am forever looking at what "might happen". I hate that about me! But I am what God is working on....and it is WORK!
Thanks for saying all that you said...since I write my posts for my sister's church website too (pastor's wife), I have a strong tendency to rarely write about the "negative" things that I feel-especially the negative things that are going on in my life. I do at times though. I think it is important to be "real" with everyone, so that we can all see "God at work" in each of our lives.
We are none perfect....we are His art work in progress....paintings on His canvas....
:) Bless you for all that you are to us in bloggyland!
Angie

Heather

Hmmm. In general I am the opposite--one day a month I am a pessimist--the rest of the time I am so optimistic I drive my pessimist husband insane. :)

However, I can definitely recognize the "God, what on earth are you trying to teach me because everything is so very very something and I don't know how to rejoice in this! He is recreating a part of you into what He longs for you to become--makes me thik of the Snoodles Tale--such a tiny little snoodle who can';t do anything quite right and yet God looks at him and sees what he is to become, a strong and mighty Snoodle with wrongs that work and great ability. Everytime I see it I think, "I am a Snoodle and He sees me at my very bes because He sees my potential to become--Lord help me to become that person." Praying for strength and courage as He remakes you into something more than the Laurel you were.