I have an event coming up after Mother’s day that has me reading my past journals. I was not good at journaling, still not, but I praise God I did journal a few entries. While traveling down memory lane the one thing that stuck out, was the pure exhaustion I felt during those days. Having two boys 18 months apart is probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and then added another one two years later. And they were not just boys, they were BOYS.
If there was a mud puddle to be splashed in, or rocks to be thrown, or a tree to be climbed they would make sure they completed the desired task. Despite repeated warnings and Mom (me) trying to divert attention the other way, it did not deter THESE boys. If I could give a Mother of boys only one piece of advice it would be to provide them space. They need to run, they need to conquer, and they need to explore. They will do this inside the house, but take my word, it is better on the sanity for both of you if it is outside.
I also noticed the repeated question in my journals, “Why me Lord?” “Why did you think I would have the ability to raise these three boys into godly men?” To be honest I felt like I was messing them up more then I was raising them properly. As I collapsed into bed each night after feeling like I had just run a marathon, I would quickly shoot up a prayer: “Father raise them right despite all my failings.” I felt I yelled at them to much, did not hug them enough, or on really bad nights I would let them eat less nutritious meals.
“Why me Lord?”
I also read in my journal times the Lord gave me where my boys would have me laughing until I cried. I read about times my husband carried my youngest while he ushered during the Christmas Eve service because my youngest did not want to be separated from his Daddy. Also about the time I skipped church to take my kids to the park because I just could not deal with getting them ready. And while at that park, I had the pleasure of leading my oldest son to the Lord. It was not because I was some super spiritual Mom, it was because God touched my son’s heart. God saved my son and reminded this Mom he is in complete control over my sons lives despite what I consider my failings.
The cloud of exhaustion has started to lift, their dependence on Mom has lessened, and their childhood has suddenly felt to short. At the ages of 15, 13, & 10 I still go to bed praying for their future, praying God will develop them into godly men despite mine and my husband’s failings. Now as I lay my head on my pillow I not longer ask, “Why me Lord?” Instead I say…
Thank you for this privilege.
Wonderful Post. I have 3 boys also…ages 17, 5 and 3. Having my youngest two so close in age has provided many stress-inducing moments but even more fun, loving moments. I pray every night that they will also have their hearts touched by the Lord and that he use me in any way he sees fit.
You are always such a breath of freshness…love it!
Amen, amen, and amen! (One for each of the BOYS
) You are so right: It IS a privilege AND exhausting AND delightful AND trying AND scary AND… all at the same time. Thanks for this delightful memory-stirring post and a Happy RESTFUL Mother’s Day to you, my friend.
Love, Mary
I’m convinced kids are part of the Refiner’s fire. (Mine are 15 and 12 so I’m right there with you.) They have definitely challenged me to see Him more. Like, every stinkin’ waking moment! I try to look at my kids and see them the way my heavenly Father sees me. Humbles me right to my knees.
And they’re a hoot, aren’t they?
He is greatly to be praised for granting us the privilege of motherhood.
This is a timely post for me as I am right in the middle of my boys’ rowdiest stage. I feel like my home will never be clean again at this point. If I can get them outside to play and get ahead on cleaning, then all of a sudden it’s time for them to come in. They, of course, track in lots of sand, grass, and mud, yucky outside toys, and sometimes gross live things!
I’ve had many, many moments of shaking my head in bewilderment at why God thought I could raise these boys to be the men He needs them to be, all the while thanking Him and praising Him that He did choose me.
This is so true. I have two little boys now and I try to remind myself of exactly that on rough days. They are such a blessing in my life and it is my God given privilege to raise them. It’s so easy for mothers to feel useless to the outside world because we’re so busy in our homes but what goes on in our home is the most important ministry of our lives!
Wonderful post…
Oh Lori…that is awesome. THE LORD does use our children…and He’s even used our “grands” on us….Gosh, that makes me FEEL and SOUND so old! (47 ain’t old is it???) What if I just called ‘em “extra’s”…as in extra blessings?? Instead of Grands…even though they are—grand.
I loved reading this—reminded me of my own “sporadic” journaling…very sporadic
I enjoyed my moments here today! Quite a blessing
Thanks for this post. It was very good. It is interesting that as moms, we are often pretty much the sole caregivers to our children, but for moms of just boys, we are not necessarily completely ready for the boy aspect.
I recently read a book about educating boys and I’m glad I did. Although I don’t expect to see all the issues in the book, I feel more prepared to deal with boy issues.
My boys are 16, 12 and 11 and I have felt everything you mentioned in your post, especially lately that their childhood (that I too didn’t use to think I would make it through) is flying by way too fast. After all we aren’t just raising boys, we are raising future men, future husbands. Thank God, He’s got it all in His hands. Thank you for the great post!
I found your blog through MckMama’s and wanted you to know I am lifting you up in prayer —
Everytime I read old journals I wish I was better at journaling – it is such an encouragement!
I love this post! I especially love the part about your oldest being saved at the park. With my little ones, Sunday mornings are the times I feel like a complete failure the most! No matter how much planning the night before, we still end up being late!….I’m sure we will only get “later” in a few months as number 3 arrives!
This post reminds me of my MIL who I LOVE! She has 4 boys. The first 2 are 11 months apart and the 3rd was 20 months later. The youngest came 5 years later. Anyway, my husband is the youngest and I can’t tell you how many times over the years we have walked up to her house and could hear her praying for her children…by name…from OUTSIDE. I know that although her children are grown and have their own families now, that this mother still agonizes with God on her children, grandchildren, and daughters in law’s behalf every. single. day. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that in my mother in law! You’re future daughters in law are already lucky ladies…….:)