New Year’s Humor
‘Twas the Month after Christmas
‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste,
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
<!– D(["mb","And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, \nplease."
As I \ndressed myself in my husband's old \nshirt,
And \nprepared once again to do battle with \ndirt.
I said \nto myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a \nman!"
So--away with the last of the sour cream dip, \n
Get rid of the \nfruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be \nbanished,
'Till \nall the additional ounces have vanished. \n
I won't have \na cookie--not even a lick,
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. \n
I won't have \nhot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly \ncry.
I'm \nhungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a \nbore,
But isn't \nthat what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a \nriot,
Happy New \nYear to all and to all a good \ndiet!
\n
",1] ); //–>And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.
I said to myself, as I only can,
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”
So–away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
‘Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie–not even a lick,
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!