My Testimony

This is probably “more vulnerable” than I wish to be over my blog, but if it ministers to one person than it will be worth it. This is me “laid bare” of all my faults, past sins, and God’s mercy and grace. (and please forgive choppy wording I was a new blogger when I wrote this, ha.)

I am the oldest of 3 children. My testimony is nothing earth shattering. I became a Christian in 3rd grade, I have wonderful loving parents, who have raised me in a wonderful Christian home. I could only hope to do as well as my parents did. This is my testimony of how God never let me go, after I accepted him as Lord and Savior. Christ died for my sins, he rose again in three days, and sometimes it is hard to see the significance until the Lord takes you through your own “fire. If you have any questions of what I believe you can also click here.

I was the child that did all the “right stuff”, was active in youth bible studies and as soon as I graduated high school. I turned around, during my first year of college, and taught discipleship for freshman high school girls. I was the one my parents trusted the most, my sister at the time had a rebellion streak, and my brother was the baby of the family.

After one year I left the community college I was attending and moved 2 hours away to go to the 4 year University. I enjoyed my freedom immensely. I did plug into a church and went every Sunday. I began dating a guy who at the time was not a Christian, but later in college he did become a Christian (through the book “This Present Darkness” by Frank Peritti). He did not have the biblical roots I did. After 3 years of dating, I had to take that long 2 hour road trip home to look my parents in the face and tell them their “trustworthy” and eldest daughter was expecting. I was engaged to this gentleman at the time.

My beloved parents did not quite know how to react. For in our family, there has never been a crisis except my sister sometimes sneaking out of the house. After many tears from my parents, and my siblings.. The VERY next weekend DH and I were married by an Uncle who was a pastor. We were married in his home, and only immediate family was invited. I was 23 years old and DH was 22 years old.

We were married one weekend, and went back to school the following Monday. It was, thankfully, our last year of college. Two months before school ended I went into pre-mature labor and the baby was born 3lbs 12oz. This was a blessing in disguise because I had a wonderful OBGYN that forced me to finish my finals while my young baby was fighting in the hospital. I studied for finals while sitting next to my young son in the hospital. Thankfully there was nothing seriously wrong with him; he was in the hospital for 2 months. I took my finals, then took home my baby. My husband and I did not even live together until we were married for 3 months. Things happened so fast, that getting living arrangements took some time. And to be honest, life was coming at me so fast I did not know which way was up. I was young, I was newly married and I am now a mother.

Now both DH and I have graduated college, we have a brand new pre-mature baby and he could not find an Engineering job in AZ at the time. The only other option was moving into DH’s parents house in Florida and look for a job in Florida. We lived with them for six lOOOONNNNGGG months. DH’s parents are not Christians; the only Christian influence I had was my parents. I know my parents were on their knees for us. I would call them sobbing in the middle of the night wondering what I had done to myself. And I had to be gently reminded that I am a wife and a mother now. How shocking that reality was.

After six months DH got a job in small town Florida, nine hours away from DH’s parents. We had one week to find a place to live and get things moved before he began his first Engineering job. We moved into a very little apartment. DH was making very little money at this time. We charged everything on credit card; diapers, food, car items. I went through severe depression, but I did not know I was depressed until I look back. I grew up with family all around me, I had support all the time in my life. I could not believe I was the same person who taught freshman high school girls. How God is laughing now (or so I thought). DH did the best he knew how, he was so young, and it was a dread to come home to me, this I know. When my first child was nine months old, we found out we were pregnant again. So finding a job was out of the question, because no one would want to hire a person who was going to be quitting in 7 months. I got gestational diabetes during this time, and I was stuck in the dark apt. almost everyday because we had no money to do anything. I was going to church, but really did not know anyone at the time.

My second child was born without incident thank God. I did have a second C-section. After bringing him home, I could barely cope. I had a real dark night, and this involved my husband yelling at me that I need to shape up because they all need me. The kids need me and he needs me. What a beacon of light he was for me. But you see any relationship between DH and God was really nonexistent. I realized on my hands and knees that God was the only thing I had left I could count on. DH played a lot of basketball on top of many hours of working (most likely not wanting to come home). And I was by myself with no family around. God took everything I relied on away. And I realized at this time, He was showing me I needed to rely on him.

Ok, a little fast forwarding. Things slowly got better. We moved out of the apt into a rental house. I had a 3rd boy and through babysitting in my home I was able to stay home with my kids. I struggled with depression off and on, and the anger of being without my family was always just below the surface. We coasted for awhile, barely keeping our heads above water.

We end up purchasing our first home, and finally DH decided to look for another job. He got a very well paying job, and because our credit card habits had not stopped we thought this job was a blessing to pay off some cards. We felt truly blessed. This was the answer to our prayers. Almost one year to the date, without even a hint of notice. DH lost his job. This brought us to our knees in complete fear; we thought we were going to lose our house. And where did we go so wrong, we prayed for the right job, the job seemed like God’s will? We were confused. I think this was the beginning of my husband growing in God (out of fear mainly).

You see we knew right from wrong, we knew we were in debt; we knew we were not living God’s way with our finances, but we coasted. Well the Lord led him to another job, making $10,000 less. We accepted but with fear in our hearts. It was not until after Christmas that year that we finally came to the realization that we could not pay all our bills. We were able to keep our head above water (barely), until now. We had no more credit card room, no more money. This is when we truly got down on our knees. We did not know what to do.

Now back to my loving and wise parents. I finally broke my pride, and confessed to my parents. No one had any idea what we had gotten ourselves into. We “looked” like we were living a good life. We had trips to Minnesota during the summer, and trips to the Florida Keys to visit DH’s parents. And my kids did not lack for the “current toys”. So this was a lot of pride to eat on my end.

My loving parents lead us to Crown Financial. And we were hooked up with a financial advisor in our area. My husband and I came to the meeting with the Financial Advisor expecting “financial advice” and what I got was him breaking down every wall I had built up over the years. I left the first session sobbing, and I sobbed all day long. He confronted me with my self image problems, he confronted me with my wanting to give everything away (I was too generous). I was worn out. I was amazed how the Lord could strip you down in 48 hours (this is a time in my life the Lord keeps fresh in my mind, a time I NEVER want to return to). During this time the Lord led us to a new church. And from the moment we entered those doors the Lord began to renew me and my husband. Pastor spoke to my heart; I immediately got involved in a Beth Moore bible study, “To Live As Christ” about the life of Paul. And through that bible study, and through Pastor, the Lord really began to rebuild the both of us.

Through the wilderness the Lord has been good. He has blessed and stretched me beyond my limits, and he was there for me to fall into His arms. I think the Lord took that young girl who taught discipleship, and was raised in a fine Christian home and said “lets put you through the fire so you can know MY power”. I am not done with trials; my children are still “soon to be teenagers”. But I know the Lord will be there. He is still teaching me and my husband. But we are where He wants us to be, open and willing.

Since all this has happened, DH has been given a high paying job. He is now the office manager in charge of a complete Engineering office. We should be debt free by the end of this year. I have not used a credit card in over 5 years. We have been able to pay for Chritmas’, trips to Minnesota, everyday things all through money in the bank. And I am praying next year we will be able to move into a new house. Every time I re-read my testimony, God Wow’s me and the thought “I am so not worthy” comes to mind. . I am so humbled knowing how much the Lord has blessed me, and knowing anything good you see in me IS ALL HIM. For you see, on my own I make a royal mess of things. And if you read all the way down, I thank you very much (I wanted to shorten it, but I did not know how and I did not want to shorten all the Lord has brought me through). Head on over to Lauren’s Created For HIS Glory to read more inspiring testimonies.